ask instead of assuming

i am emptying a jar of liquid that has been overflowing for a while now. as a delicate introvert, one has to find an output that reaches far yet stays unintrusive in its operation.

play while reading:

since i've come out as being polyamorous, i've met too many people who:

- took advantage of it

- assumed that for this reason i do not have emotions or i do not feel love and do not seek it

- thought that "sleeping around is a game" although i never would let such disgusting words escape from my mouth-hole and i consciously fight all power game thoughts that spring up in my brain for whatever reason they may

- thought that it means that i sleep with everyone that comes my way
- thought that it is just a phase i am going through till i find the "right person" (oh do not get me even started on this one...)

- or simply had no clue as to how to behave towards me because i was making them nervous

all these troubles boil down to the basic conflict due to misunderstanding, however, this misunderstanding has various reasons:

- common human egotism and disrespect (who'da thought, huh..?)

- laziness of spirit, a.k.a. "why are you still whining about this?" and other statements that forced me to avoid any kind of communication about an issue since it was making the other party come out of their comfort zone

- "traditional" upbringing, where monogamy is upheld as some kind of holy grail, hence all other possible relationships are below it in means of quality

therefore, i have several declarations to make, in order to try to wipe out any more future misunderstandings:

- polyamory is love.

- i treat all my lovers with the same respect they have for me and cherish them completely.

- just because i am with this person right now does not mean that the one that is not present is somehow less important.

- do not fear the others, i would never be with someone who is not on good terms with the fact that i love other people.
- if you are puzzled by anything concerning this particular type of intimacy, ask. i am more than delighted to explain and discuss.
- definitions are important yet they should never be constricting and ultimating.

however, since i've been scarred, i have become fairly picky and prickly about the choice of my lovers and partners. polyamorous people have more boundaries since their wonderful significant others have their specific quirks, requirements and habits that make them what they are. and it is very hard to discern immediately whether some of these aren't toxic or permanent.

that's right, who you are with always influences your own personality so watch out for the contagious bad habits of your lovers, and if you know how, help them help themselves.

it is very tricky, exhausting, and dangerous. but the acknowledgement you get for recognizing and resolving an issue sometimes comes from places you would not even expect it to come.

we are taught to love more than one parent, more than one friend, why can't we love more than one partner?


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required reading for all interested in non-monogamy:
Easton & Hardy - The Ethical Slut
Dan Savage - Savage Love (weekly column)
More Than Two